The tan Camry I was following this afternoon while running errands in my fancy European race car had a sticker in the back window, which is unfortunately illegible. It reads "FEAR THIS".
I literally do fear that. Every time I get in my car I'm afraid of the tan Camrys and Corollas I see. Those dents and scrapes on those tan Toyotas are mirrored on other, innocent vehicles all over the place.
Another thing I fear is MICROWAVE POPCORN. I told you readers months ago about the acrid stench of it, which had been banned by both the City of Seattle and by me in my home. Since then, two things have happened that have shown that I was way, way ahead of the curve on this popcorn problem.
The first thing happened about 1:00 AM on a Thursday morning last month when I was on vacation with my wife and daughter. While staying in an Embassy Suites hotel in one of our coutry's top three strip mall scourged suburbs, the fire alarm with automated voice annunciation started sounding, indicating that we needed to prepare to evacuate. There were sirens, a disembodied voice, and a screaming two-year old. The culprit: a hotel guest who burned their microwave popcorn. The lobby was filled with disheveled guests, while the sloppy night manager stammered apologies about the "false alarm". The alarm was real. And so was the stench. It all came from that bag of chemicals and popcorn.
The second thing happened last week, when the dangers of diacetyl were made public. Diacetyl is a buttery flavoring used in products like microwave popcorn, popcorn oil (for use in movie houses), potato chips, and other junky food that fat or poor people eat. It turns out that people in factories where food products are made from diacetyl are suffering lung failure from exposure to the chemical. Manufacturers are scrambling to find replacement ingredient(s) for diacetyl. Perhaps they should (a) stop making microwave popcorn, and (b) start using BUTTER to make butter flavored things.
Banning microwave popcorn is still a viable issue in my campaign for governor. So is an overhaul of the Washington State Patrol. Now they've started yet another "crackdown" on speeding on I-5 in the Seattle area. Word is that whereas they used to give speeders a 5-MPH leeway, now they get only a 3-MPH leeway. Sounds like revenue generation at its finest. I insist that the roads would be safer if the KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS law was strictly enforced.
Oh and another thing... don't get me started on "illegal use of vehicle horns"...
