Thursday, 28 June 2007

Oh my God! Slow Down! It's the Police!

What is it about seeing a police or State Patrol car on the freeway that causes people who are driving along - with their cruise control set exactly at the speed limit- to slam on the brakes and drive slower?

During a recent trip on a largely uncrowded Interstate, I came upon a pack of cars crusing along at 67-68 MPH in a 70 MPH zone. The cars were clumped up behind a blue government-issue Crown Victoria with “exempt” plates, indicating a government. The vehicle was not marked with any departmental decals.

Even though the Crown Vic was cruising along at 68 MPH with both front and rear seat passengers, nobody would pass it. Nor would anybody move over to get behind it. A yellow Explorer and an ivory Lexus LS 430 (the rich man’s Camry) were running the roadblock next to the Crown Vic, neither speeding up or slowing down. This is the type of thing that drives me CRAZY.

After maybe 10 minutes of this frustration, the LS430 finally slowed enough to get behind the Crown Vic. That at last allowed me a free lane, where I was able to set my cruise control at 70 and pull away from all of these idiots. The Crown Vic was definitely not a police car. Just some chumps from some government agency on a road trip. The other vehicles still didn’t pass; they left the road block in effect for as long as I could see them in my rear view mirror. IDIOTS.

Don’t be afraid to drive the speed limit. As long as you’re not tailgating or driving aggressively, you won’t get a ticket for driving at the speed limit. If you’re not willing to do the speed limit, GET OUT OF MY WAY.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Bad driving isn't exclusive to Camrys

Several astute readers have pointed out to me (privately, not in the comments) that bad driving isn't limited to tan colored Toyotas. Surely I know that. However, pretty much every tan Toyota sedan is dented or scraped, and is poorly driven. Look at the next Camry or Corolla that goes by you. I'll bet it's dented or scraped. Seriously.

The fact that tan Toyotas aren't the only poorly driven cars was demonstrated to me a bit earlier today when the driver of a faded red Mazda hatchback sped up in a construction zone to be sure to not let any cars get in front of him. Cool move, I'm sure the flagger who jumped out of your way was thrilled. Jackass.

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Just another reason to go to confession...

According to the BBC, the Vatican has issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for motorists to promote safer driving.

The "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road" call on drivers to respect speed limits, refrain from drinking before driving and avoid cursing. "Transgressions" while driving can cause road rage or accidents. The document also points out that using automobiles can become an "occasion of sin", especially if used for dangerous driving or prostitution.

Is this what the Church is doing to maintain its relevance in the world, hot on the heels of all the sex abuse allegations which have essentially bankrupted the church in the USA?

I can see it now: "Forgive me, Father, for my transgressions. I swore at that bitch in the Camry, and made an obscene gesture toward the jackass in the Hummer." Amen.

Thursday, 14 June 2007

Mr. Anti-Camry for Governor!

I read yesterday on that the City of Seattle is considering banning microwave popcorn because it often set off smoke alarms in city buildings, causing lost time and revenue. I think they should ban microwave popcorn becuase it STINKS. I have forbidden my wife to cook it when I am home. I think the aroma is putrid. They shouldn't just ban microwave popcorn in the City of Seattle, they should ban it in the entire state.

In fact, I should probably run for governor. My three key points:
(1) State patrol is to heavily enforce the Keep Right Except to Pass law on freeways. I don't care if people are speeding, as long as they're driving safely. But left-lane dawdlers will be ticketed, towed, and jailed for repeat offenses.
(2) Ban microwave popcorn.
(3) Get Washington out of the ridiculous CARB vehicle regulations which will put more stringent vehicle economy/emission standards in to effect. The CARB deal limits the number and type of cars sold in the state. I say that if it's good enough to meet the general US EPA regulations, the vehicle should be sold here. This regulation may ban future sales of Diesel vehicles due to emission standards... that's absolutely ridiculous.

I'll bet I could get plenty of votes running on this platform. Chris Gregoire and Dino Rossi had better watch out. Somebody from the real world has their eye on positive change in Washington!

Here's one more thought...

I hate helicopters. They are noisy and always flying over my neighborhood because I live too close to the freeway... the traffic 'copters are always flying over during commute times, rattling our cheap aluminum-framed 1970s windows, reminding me that I live in a 1970s neighborood too close to the freeway. If I'm governor I'm going to institute a No-Fly Zone over my city. That'll increase property values!

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

What are those stripes for?

Yesterday I stopped for lunch at a major regional "one stop shopping" store to get some lunch. It's a big store, they have a big parking lot.

I parked my big, fast car in a parking spot and got out of the car, proceeding to walk toward the store. There were some empty spots head-to-head between me and the store, I was walking through them toward the store.

A brown Camry (really) pulled in but was actually pulling through, too lazy and thoughtless to drive in the striped traffic lane. As she pulled past me, I glared. I actually considered shouting at the middle-aged female driver, to ask her whether she was familiar with what the lines are for that are painted on the ground.

I should have yelled. Now I've got this pent-up Camry rage building inside of me.